Tired

I salute you mothers who work and come home with fat paycheck, take care of the house as well without any helpers. The house is shining clean, the hubs and kids blessed with home cook foods, and you yourself looks like a million dollar.

That kind of women exist you know. Crazy.

I feel tired all the time. Okey before you start selling me all those protein shake or whatever product that you say can boost up energy level, just stop it because here I am talking about mentally tired.

I mean of course you still have leftover energy after you come home from work at 8. Sure you can quickly whip a meal for your family, then do the laundry while helping your kids do their homework and then vacuum and mopped clean the house while singing but hey, don't you feel you just wanna go straight to bed?

I need motivation to be that kind of women.

*rumahbersepahtakdesapenakkemas*

hmmmppfftt.

32 Weeks Happy

So, I did promise that I want to at least jot down my pregnancy journey once every trimester. Hehe. Cheating I know. But we need to accumulate things up so we can save time & space, no?

I am happily entering 32 weeks now. Feeling a bit like whale even everybody keeps on commenting how small my tummy is. Whatever. Don't even bother to explain why. Ask mother nature. Or ask my husband because I swear my tummy is so big (baby weight 1.2kg at 30 weeks check up), but I have a little secret on how to dress up so I won't look heavily pregnant. Hehe.

How am i doing? I'm fine but with super low energy. I tell u, there's a BIG different being pregnant while you're in your 20's and 30's. My 1st time being pregnant at 25, I have so much energy but now? What I want to do is sleep all day! So far no blood pressure or diabetes or whatever. All sailing smooth. Alhamdulillah..

Oh did I mention that we are expecting another girl? Which is totally cool with me. I like girls! But not cool since cannot stop production yet. Hubby wants a boy (who doesn't?) and because he's being super sweet all this while...okaylah I'm gonna open for another one. But you have to shoot sharp okey darling? Another girl then suck it up and accept the fact. Haha. Joking joking. =)

Okey gotta go now. Forgot already how good it feels to blog. Missing my yesteryears but what to complaint? Me myself yg malas. Hehe. Till then. Please pray for my well-being. Bye!

Fast Forward 4 Years Later

Below is the extraction of my blog post 4 years ago. When I was actively blogging and being so open pouring whatever it was in my heart.

I dedicate this post to the people who are feeling exactly like me 4 years ago. I was feeling kind of lost then. Depressed. Like a loser. But time do change things, you know? If you are willing to change too.

Out of everything that I said 4 years ago, I've accomplished most of it. Of course I am not as rich as Donald Trump (just yet). But most importantly, I have goals and I know I am on track in achieving my goals. This time, not all for money.

And most importantly, I feel content.

I am thankful to my young self for being strong and deciding to go on with the life changing decision then. I know it was hard, I walked the path. I am hoping my 30 years old self now keep being strong & focus while staying humbling close to the ground so that my 35 years old self will be proud of me, someday.

P/S: Excuse my 26 years old "beautiful" language. I curse a lot those days. Hehe.

***********

Wednesday, Jan 21,2009

***********
My feelings & self-esteem have never been this bad in my whole life.
It's life threatening. Highly dangerous.

The odd thing is I am actually happy with myself.
But I feel down and sad at the same time.
Insanity.

And I know exactly what is going on with me.

I need my retail therapy but I should put that on hold at this moment.
I need to build my asset. huargghrrgetfjshygdbvdfd.

On a related matter, I remember a conversation with En suami few weeks back.
I told him that I need to build my own assets,
so that I will be okey if someday he decided to leave me.
Or maybe dia ada simpan anak ikan kerana masa itu kami adalah kaya raya tahap Donald Trump.

I need to bulid my assets sebab sekarang janda kaya adalah sangat laku dan boleh mendapat pakwe muda. hoho
Gurau ok. Gurau.

We decided to build our assets and our assets are my assets and my assets are my assets.
Kan yang kan???

And do you know how hard it is to build an asset.
And how cynical others could be?
And how heartbreaking it is not able to spend your dime on your favourite thing when you actually afford it after working so fucking hard to earn the money.
And how sick it feels to look at other person who can shop and own all the things that you wish you have?
memang patah semangat kadang-kadang.

And yes, I have stop reading the shop and show blog because it makes me sick each time. Jelousy. I want one too!!!!
I also stop reading fashion magazine because it makes me feel ugly and fat.
I stop looking at others designer handbag because not owning one nearly makes me cry.
pathetic? yes.
I stop reading supermom's blogs because it makes me feel like I am a lousy mother who did not breastfeed and now my daughter is falling sick at least once a month. I feel terrible!
and i can only cook 1 same dish for my baby because my time is limited and i am so tired juggling between classes, work, asset building, house chores and etc.

I have decided to fuck them all.

But ada satu benda yang until now I torture myself into.
Setiap kali buat hati bertambah sakit tapi masih juga menjenguk.
Sebab bagi saya dia ada apa yang saya tiada dan even though bernanah hati masih juga bertahan.
I motivate myself by torturing myself.
Irony but true.

***************

Alhamdulillah for all the rezeki. I know now, rezeki is not only in term of money.

Work Wear : It Can Be Super Hard With Hijab

I don't know if it's only me, or most people feel the same way too. It's so hard for me to dress impressively to work with hijab without going overboard. It's either will be too common, too bold, too cheerful (with all the prints & colors), or simply too boring. 

But maybe, that's just me.

Anyway, this is my recent work wear that I feel like sharing with you guys. Got the top from KWC for a cheapo price of RM40, maternity tight bought it at Sogo (don't ask the brand I forgot) for RM49, Rins & Roy heels, and Birdie Chiffon Curved Shawl from Fana Couture. (Go check out the blog.)

Btw, I super love Kenanga Wholesale City for the cheepo yet trendy stuff that they offer. But have to be careful with the material tho. Only buy if you feel worth it. Oh this deserve it's own post. Hehe.

19 weeks pregnant when this photo was taken . The tummy starts showing so have to be more creative to hide it. Haha.

So, do you like it?

Pregnant Mother's Dilemma : 2012 Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon

I am sitting here alone at Singapore War Memorial Monument as I write this piece while waiting for my husband, sister, brother in law, and friends finishing their 10km run. I could have been running together with them, in fact, I am the one who initiate the registration because we missed Standard Chartered Kuala Lumpur Marathon early this year, but God knows best, He gave me something more precious to be with.

Prior of knowing that I am pregnant, me and my husband have been trying to conceive for more than 1 year but never got lucky. Every plan we made for the past 1 year plus had been with the assumption of "what if I got pregnant".. So as you guess, we planned for nothing. No "air asia" tickets purchased, no "next year big plan" or whatsoever.

Until one day, I got tired and stop thinking about conceiving. So I started running and register myself to all the big runs.

I never run before. Last year if u had ask me to run a 10km, I would say I can't even walk 2km. Haha. That's the truth. Although I was quite active in my teenage years, but I've been spoilt so badly since I started working that I cannot even climb 2 floors without grasping desperately for air. Hehe.

So my 1st fun run was TM Fan Run earlier this year. It was a 3km run and boy it feels good! I was quite amazed that I can actually finished the run and I was actually running instead of walking! Then i started following my friends to other runs (at some point, I even became a ghost runner because the registration had closed and I desperately wanted to run!) but 5km is the only distance that I was comfortable with at that time.

After some point, I think I have to upgrade. I can easily run a 5km, why not try the 10km? So I started to register and train for them. Lucky I have a supportive husband who would run together with me at my pace (although I know he can easily ditch me). I am having so much fun and keep craving for more until 10km seems possible for me. The joy of running...you'll never know until u started.

But as I said, God has better plan. 1 week before my 1st competitive 10km run, I found out that I am pregnant and been advised by the doctor not to run a 10km since the baby is quite fragile. I know that there's nothing wrong with running while pregnant but one sentence from the doctor lingers in my mind and make me think twice before proceed with it, "you have waited 5years (my 1st born will be 5 soon) for this baby, and trying hard 1 year plus for it, do you really want to risk it because of a run?" and yes I agree. I am not the kind that decided to get pregnant one day and get pregnant the next month! (irregular women's cycle problem. You don't need to know)

As much and I know (I googled a lot and ask several professional advise) that running doesn't affect pregnancy, but I decided not to run because I own my body. I took a step back and think what is it that that makes me wanna run so badly? The fun and medals (vain of course) and challenging myself to be better? And I have a lot more years to come for me to do that (with God's willing). With that, competitive running become "immaterial" compared the the gift that I am risking with.

But if you ask, yes! I will keep on walking 5km-10km (very slowly) until the day I give birth. (walking is good for pregnant mother, you know?) After that, BRING IT ON BEBEH!

NYX haul at Sephora KLCC

So, as much as I promised myself not to shop because I'll be going to Singapore tomorrow, I couldn't help it but to grab myself some wonderful products from NYX today. But it's okey, i have managed to justify the purchase I made to myself that i NEED those make ups, not just WANT them.

Okey hear me out, although I have a few palates of eyeshadows with hundreds of colors that might last until my daughter turns 16, but the one thing that I don't have is a travel size eyeshadow with a various nude & natural colors for office use. (those travel size with other colors don't count, okey?) So it make sense that I NEED to buy this pretty "nude on nude" eyeshadow from NYX and bonus I also get 2 lip colors! Awesome buy right? And it only cost me RM49! *flips hair*

Then blusher, come on.. Those cuties for only RM26? and to be fair, I don't have any blusher in that shade yet. It looks good on my skin color, I swear!

And because I spent RM50 & above on NYX products, I get a free lip gloss. Awesome stuff i tell u.

The brushes? Well, just think of it as an investment. You wanna look good get yourself a decent brushes and u may want to invest in a travel set as well. And for the cost of RM39, it's well worth.

So, what do you think? I NEED those, right?;p

14 weeks happy!

Hello.

As the title suggest, yes! I am 14 weeks pregnant. (big grin)

My 2nd pregnancy after nearly 5 years. Everything seems new! I forgotten how miserable and fat I felt the 1st time. It's all coming back now.

When I was pregnant with Rania, I post every single thing in this blog (now safely saved for my own eyes only). Not sure whether I can still do the same this time. Whatever it is, I'll try my best to at least jot down something every trimester.

So, I am entering my 2nd trimester already. Relieved that the annoying stage is over. Had a mild sickness this time compared to the 1st, none at all! Can only eat rice and ikan goreng. Ulam only fancy vege is not allowed. No cake, no other craving but rice all the way.

Nonetheless, successfully gained 3kg thanks to the rice. Looking fat rather than pregnant at this stage. Blaming all on hormones! Hehe. I am allowed to right?




I was 13 weeks pregnant when the photo was taken. My tummy is showing a bit early this time. They say it's normal to show early for 2nd pregnancy. (and my ready buncit tummy help a lot) hehe.

So far, no mc yet. Although very lazy (normal) but not dragging myself to work. Not like the 1st time when I took a whole month unpaid leave. Such a drama that time. Haha.

Okey, will update more later. Tired. Hormone. Haha
Most recent photo of me. Chow!